Trigger shot give away

I have a trigger shot that need to go to someone in need soon! It’s expiring in March of his year. You need to live in CA for it to be cheap shipping and make it worth it cause it has to be overnighted and refrigerated.

I have all the original packing materials and sharps containers. I also have sterile syringes if needed and a follistim pen with needles too.

Please pass this along to anyone you know who needs it. Email me at


I gave birth to our baby boy Lyric on the 7th of December at 4:15am in our home on a birth tub. I got my VBAC, I got my home birth and kate got to catch Lyric as he entered this world as she had hoped for. Generally speaking we got what we wanted and everyone was/is safe and healthy.

Ill have to write a separate post on the actual labor and birth as it was complicated, fast, excruciatingly painful and emotionally trying. Im going through many emotions surrounding it than i would have expected.

We were transferred to the hospital shortly after he was born due to clotting issues. After we came back home 2 days later kate took very good care of me, so did my mom and my midwife and doula. I felt safe and cared for. I could do little for myself due to intense pain. We left the hospital on Friday and on Wednesday morning kate got a call from her employer letting her know that her final check was in the mail. We were shocked. She had been fired due to a miscommunication.

Apparently, she was scheduled to come in that Monday and Tuesday but did not know she was back on the schedule. She had put in a request on Friday for a temporary leave of absence because she did not qualify for baby bonding time as she just got this job three months ago. The leave of absence request never got to her manager and no one called to check in on her after she told them we had had the baby. No one checked in when she missed Monday and no one checked in when she missed Tuesday. Why fid no one care to check in.

My wife is a rule follower to the T, so it shocking to us that no one cared enough to check and see why this scholar employee had missed two days of scheduled work. Someone could have died or something. Instead they fire her without question. Tell her shes one of 140 employees and can be replaced easily therefore fighting the termination is pointless. She will not regain her employment with them. Period.

Needless to say she crumbled. Wr had had a very traumatic labor and birth experience, had another traumatic hospital experience and then come home to heal, but then this. At this time kate shut down. She has been on her own daily routines and has forgotten that I need her. I need her more now than I ever have, but i cant tell her that because i don’t want to minimize her emotional pain. I don’t want to make her feel like its all about me and not her when its both right now.

Problem is, I’m causing myself more pain by doing things i shouldn’t be yet because shes no longer caring for me. Ive asked her to tell me to stop when I’m doing to much physically cause I’m on autopilot, but she hasn’t. Shes getting cranky at times when i do ask for her help with something. Emotionally, we are both in the trenches on different sides. Me with my physical and emotional pain along with missing being a mommy to my kids (their at nonis), and wanting to be cared for as most of is do when feeling like this. Im unable to care for her like that right now because of the birth and i hate that but i cannot change that.

To say that this has been a rough year would be a understatement! I am hoping we can all heal quickly and get back to being a healthy family. I wish kate finds a new job fast so we don’t go sliding into oblivion, i hope my kids come back to me and are no longer sick and are happy to see us and their little brother, i very much hope that kate can come out of her funk long enough to see me here waiting for her.

Bitchfest number two 36 weeks 4 days

I’m in the throws of the late third trimester. Here are my current “symptoms”;




•Emotional roller coaster


•More than frequent urination

•Hip, groin and pelvis pain

•Pelvic pressure

•Round ligament shooting pains

•General all over body aches




•Lack of appetite

•Restless legs


•Extreme exhaustion

There’s probably more but that’s all I can think off of the bat. I’m beyond over this pregnancy. I’m so ready to get back to even semi regular hormones, semi regular body complaints and have the ability to play with my kids again.

I know it won’t be overnight all those things but the kind of mom I am right now is not me and they know it. Their acting out like crazy and being really clingy to boot, I know rd cause they feel the change like I do and cause they are lacking a lot of physical play interactions with me.

I had no idea how hard it would be to be pregnant again and have toddlers. I’m sure even just having one toddler and being pregnant is hard. I wasn’t stoked on pregnancy with the twins but I try rly thought it was because I was pregnant with twins. This was going to be my last shot and I was going to enjoy every bit of it. Hahaha not at all what happened. I just don’t think I like being pregnant.

Don’t get me wrong. I love creating a human being from scratch, feeling him move inside me (when it’s not painful), knowing him even though I haven’t met him yet and for the most part I also love the change in body image. But those things are fleeting in comparison to the overwhelming amount of discomfort emotionally and physically. I’m glad his is my last pregnancy and I truly hope that when Kate decides it’s her turn that she has the best pregnancy of her dreams!

My kids are in daycare 2 days a week sometimes 3. The extra days are either gifted by my mom or are pulled out of our asses by selling things we don’t need or something. I have had to have kate take days off work lately just cause I cannot emotionally handle myself or our kids that day. That’s a terrible feeling. Their so fun and funny right now but I just have a really hard time dealing with their meltdowns, having to strum up the energy to discipline them the way we have chosen to do so and not lose my cool. I lose my cool way way more than I’m comfortable with and I know they feel that too.

So I told Kate today that if I’m still not in labor by next Wednesday I’m having my acupuncturist throw in a couple magic needles to spur things on. I know it’s still “early” but the kids were completely fine by this time and this one should be too especially having more time than they did and being solo in there. It’s worse for him to be in a depressed anxiety ridden mama. That’s a whole other level of guilt I have this pregnancy, he’s had to deal with so much stress hormones and I don’t like that one bit.

I need to throw out some positive talk cause on the flip side I have many things to be grateful for. We have a doula who is working with us pro bono who is amazing, a midwife who took us on on her scholarship program which is next to nothing, my doula has pulled multiple string for me to get bodywork done, our new family photographer did our maternity/family shoot for free and is going to do our birth for free too as long as she’s available. It’s the first time in my life I’ve had so many things go “my way”. I’m not used to it and I don’t want to seem like I’m not grateful because I’m overwhelmingly grateful. I only hope I can give back somehow.

Now I’ve lost what it was I was getting at and I’m ranting as usual. If you know me personally and know any of the people I just spoke of please do not say anything as they are doing this out of the kindness of their hearts not heir wallets and cannot afford to have others seeking their services for free.

Who else is in my boat right now? Am I paddling alone?

I’ve needed to vent for some time now but I’m having a hard time doing so because I️ feel I’ll be judged no matter how I️ bent or where or to whom.

That being said please leave all negative comments or suggestions to yourself!!

These last few months of pregnancy have been extremely trying emotionally and physically for me. I’m in a lot more physical discomfort and pain than with the twins, go figure. The amount of energy, stamina and patience it requires to do most anything let alone be a stay at home Mom to my kids is more than I️ can muster right now. I️ feel selfish cause I️ don’t want to care for anything or anyone outside of myself right now I’m so drained. I️ hate that feeling.

My marriage has been rough for about a year now. Not to a point where we can’t work things out by any means, but by far the worst it’s been in 8 years. We are mad and resentful of each other for very valid reasons and are having a much harder time communicating and resolving them than we have in the past. Due to that this pregnancy has not been enjoyable, which is terrible since it’s my last.

Lately my emotions are spiraling down a bad path. I’m anxious all the time, angry or impatient with my children and my wife. I️ resent our cats need for attention and feel like we should not have animals right now, we don’t deserve them. Everything in the household is 90% on me everyday due to our situation and I️ am not dealing well with that. I’m starting to break down emotionally and headed toward depression which is scary.

I’m still on my antidepressants and probably need a higher dose but being in the third trimester is not safe to do so. I’m hoping the happy hormones I️ had with the kids after heir birth kick in with this one too. I️ have a postpartum doula who took us on pro bono and it’s starting to seek out helpers for me for a few weeks following the birth since I️ have little in the way of family and friends to support me this time. I️ also have a birth doula/chiropractor who has taken us on pro bono as well who is amazing! And our home birth midwife has us on a scholarship program for a very low fee. Those are all amazing things I️ can’t even believe we’ve been handed. Very grateful!

I️ have many many things I️ should be grateful for and happy about. But I’m so far in the dumps I️ can’t see it as much as I should. Today is thanksgiving and I’m not happy to go spend time worth family. I’m easily overwhelmed right now and I️ know I️ will be even more so when we get to my mother in laws house. She has her hands full already with her own personal Desmond along with carrying the burden of her children’s stresses too. Each family member is going through something incredibly trying or emotional right now.

That should make for a “fun” holiday lol

Anyway I️ could go on and on about all this but that’s as much as I️ can type out right now. I’m beyond counting down the days until this little boy arrives. He has to stay in until 12/5 at least to have a Home birth, after that it’s all gravy. I’m very much feeling he will be here around my birthday December 11th, but we will see if he takes longer than I’m thinking.

Hope everyone else is in a much better place right now and enjoying their holiday season!

32 weeks with #3

The weeks are passing quickly now. I’m growing more and more tired with each passing day. My days of energy I fear have left me. I am hoping that I can get a few days of it back so I can finish my before baby to do list.

With the kids now in daycare two days a week I am finally getting some rest. I’m amazed at how relaxed my body feels on those days and how easy it is for me to give in to sleep. It’s great but I would very much like to use at least one day a week to do things around the house to prepare for Lyric’s arrival. However, I totally get this kind of rest so I’m soaking it in.

I had a midwife appointment last week and also my second prenatal chiropractic appointment. I had a prenatal massage as well and a Mayan abdominal massage for some pain I’ve been having. I think it was too much body work though along with the yoga I’ve been doing cause I felt sick and overtired all weekend.

The third trimester anxiety has got me full on. I can’t keep my mind of labor starting and how it’s all going to go. I have expectations this time around I didn’t have with the twins. Having a Home birth makes it feel so much more exciting.

I feel he will be here by week 38, however lately I’ve been wondering if I’ll go full term. Of course we jut won’t know until we know! 38 weeks sounds great to me on many levels though. Pregnancy is for the birds! I’m happy this is my last pregnancy and will gladly pass that baton to Kate after this.

I have much more to say but it’s unrelated to pregnancy so I’ll save it for another post.

Nap time and Bedtime

We are struggling with naps and bedtime. Mainly with Emerie. Nap time still consists of me rocking both of them at the same time to sleep. Daiton falls asleep and I get him on the chair by himself and then transfer Emerie to my bed and go back to put Daiton in his crib.

Sounds seem less right? NO! Lately Emerie won’t let me put her in her crib OUT OF NOWHERE! So hence getting her to sleep in my bed, where before I was putting her in her crib and Daiton in my bed just cause they sleep on a barge an hour more or less than the other, no one knows who will wake first each day so having them separated helps ease wake up craziness.

Well a lot of the time Emerie won’t even let me transfer her into my bed either and I spend an hour trying to get her to sleep. Or she reawakens Daiton or visa versa and I spend and hour getting both or at least one back to sleep. Then if I’m lucky I eat some lunch or take a brief “snooze” myself.

Then Emerie us is ally wakes up unbelievably cranky and throwing a screaming fit for an hour or more with no rhyme or reason and no means of telling me what I can do. Sometimes this wears on me so much that I lose it and end up screaming as well only to immediately feel terrible for it. That actually happens on other occasions as well and I hate myself for it!

Back to naps. With 13 weeks or less to go before our #3 Lyric gets here I’m frantically searching for a new alternative to our nap time routine that will work better. I’m open to logical advice especially from other moms of twins or two year olds who have dealt with similar problems.

So, bedtime. We went through a really rough almost two months of very early waking (3/4am) and subsequently early naps. Now that we have moved again and are settled things have evened out and the kids are sleeping in until 6:15-6:30, also due to our OK TO WAKE clock! Something finally worked for us. We also reestablished Cry It Out in the middle of the night and don’t get them anymore.

As for the going to bed part that’s been hard with Emerie. Usually she would cry for 2.5 seconds and lay down and be out. Daiton was our hardball with Cry It Out always. Now I jut tell Daiton that once he is done with his bottle we will stop rocking and I will lay him down and put his blankets one and he will go to sleep like a big boy. Well, he does just that with no peep at all. Crazy and amazing!

Emerie now fight sleep hard and has to be out cold to be put in her crib or she cried hysterically for a long time. It’s hard to have one like that in the same room with another sleeping soundly cause it can lead to both screaming. So what do we do? How can we get her back to going to sleep easily before we have another here too?

We were thinking of transitioning them into toddler beds in hopes we could get them excited to get in their bed themselves and lay down and read a story and then go to bed. Also because they can get INTO their cribs now and Daiton is quickly turning the tables and trying to get out. He’s a bit scared of falling so he hasn’t fully tried yet but I know it’s coming. Again, another thing to worry about happening right as Lyric gets here. So, should we bite the bullet and transition them now to have time to settle into that new routine before he gets here?

When did you transfer yours into toddler beds? Why did you transfer? What obstacles did you face by doing so? How long did it take for them and you to get comfortable with the new routine? How did it change their sleep habits?

Stay at home mom troubles

Stay at home moms:

Is it just me or do your kids never let you take care of household work, run errands or eat? Let alone be happy half the day!

I’m so fucking exhausted and ready to check myself into a silent retreat for a few weeks. No one around me seems to understand my struggles or even care. I have Littleton help during the week and when I do get help it never seems very helpful.

We are trying to find a daycare or preschool for our twins a few days a week to relive me but they are so expensive it makes it seem worthless. I love my kids but I resent being a stay at home mom. It not even close to “easy” like people think. It’s beyond demanding, at least for me.

Adding this third one to my very stressed out life is really freaking me out. I have no idea how I’m going to juggle naps, eating, diapers, potty training, playtime and then household chores, errands and any time for myself. My wife gets the luxury of having a great job and leaving the house 5 days week and having minimal to do when she is home.

Not me! I’m here 24/7, on a schedule cause there’s no way around it when your feeding and caring for twin toddlers. After she gets home I still have dinner, baths and bedtime, along with cleaning up the toys and then hopefully going to sleep. Waking up with both kids and watching her leave the house 30min later just to start all over again.

It’s never ending. I resent not having a career before these kids came along. I want them in childcare at least part time. Anytime I talk to other stay at home moms they never seem to understand. I’ve stopped venting cause I feel like a complainer, the outcast mom who no one understands. They all have kids who sleep and eat well, behave themselves most of the time (or so it seems) or just have it all figured out better than me.

Is it have I have twins? Or is it that I’m

Not meant to do this? Either way I’m stuck and it’s getting lonelier and harder to manage. I thought it was supposed to get easier?

instagram account issues

For some reason my Instagram account was deleted and i cannot get it back. therefore i made a new one under the name ladyloveandbabydust3 since I guess the 3rd times a charm…why it this so difficult?

there will only be todays post on there cause i don’t have it in me to repost everything. Sorry to anyone this threw off today.