Bitchfest number two 36 weeks 4 days

I’m in the throws of the late third trimester. Here are my current “symptoms”;

•Depression

•Anxiety

•Irritability

•Emotional roller coaster

•Impatience

•More than frequent urination

•Hip, groin and pelvis pain

•Pelvic pressure

•Round ligament shooting pains

•General all over body aches

•Headaches

•Hemorrhoids

•Diarrhea

•Lack of appetite

•Restless legs

•Sleeplessness/insomnia

•Extreme exhaustion

There’s probably more but that’s all I can think off of the bat. I’m beyond over this pregnancy. I’m so ready to get back to even semi regular hormones, semi regular body complaints and have the ability to play with my kids again.

I know it won’t be overnight all those things but the kind of mom I am right now is not me and they know it. Their acting out like crazy and being really clingy to boot, I know rd cause they feel the change like I do and cause they are lacking a lot of physical play interactions with me.

I had no idea how hard it would be to be pregnant again and have toddlers. I’m sure even just having one toddler and being pregnant is hard. I wasn’t stoked on pregnancy with the twins but I try rly thought it was because I was pregnant with twins. This was going to be my last shot and I was going to enjoy every bit of it. Hahaha not at all what happened. I just don’t think I like being pregnant.

Don’t get me wrong. I love creating a human being from scratch, feeling him move inside me (when it’s not painful), knowing him even though I haven’t met him yet and for the most part I also love the change in body image. But those things are fleeting in comparison to the overwhelming amount of discomfort emotionally and physically. I’m glad his is my last pregnancy and I truly hope that when Kate decides it’s her turn that she has the best pregnancy of her dreams!

My kids are in daycare 2 days a week sometimes 3. The extra days are either gifted by my mom or are pulled out of our asses by selling things we don’t need or something. I have had to have kate take days off work lately just cause I cannot emotionally handle myself or our kids that day. That’s a terrible feeling. Their so fun and funny right now but I just have a really hard time dealing with their meltdowns, having to strum up the energy to discipline them the way we have chosen to do so and not lose my cool. I lose my cool way way more than I’m comfortable with and I know they feel that too.

So I told Kate today that if I’m still not in labor by next Wednesday I’m having my acupuncturist throw in a couple magic needles to spur things on. I know it’s still “early” but the kids were completely fine by this time and this one should be too especially having more time than they did and being solo in there. It’s worse for him to be in a depressed anxiety ridden mama. That’s a whole other level of guilt I have this pregnancy, he’s had to deal with so much stress hormones and I don’t like that one bit.

I need to throw out some positive talk cause on the flip side I have many things to be grateful for. We have a doula who is working with us pro bono who is amazing, a midwife who took us on on her scholarship program which is next to nothing, my doula has pulled multiple string for me to get bodywork done, our new family photographer did our maternity/family shoot for free and is going to do our birth for free too as long as she’s available. It’s the first time in my life I’ve had so many things go “my way”. I’m not used to it and I don’t want to seem like I’m not grateful because I’m overwhelmingly grateful. I only hope I can give back somehow.

Now I’ve lost what it was I was getting at and I’m ranting as usual. If you know me personally and know any of the people I just spoke of please do not say anything as they are doing this out of the kindness of their hearts not heir wallets and cannot afford to have others seeking their services for free.

Who else is in my boat right now? Am I paddling alone?