I am so stressed out

We moved to Grass Valley almost 3 weeks ago. The first week was hell cause the kids had just started teething again and just gotten over being really sick and then we throw them into a giant change of pace and a new house. Kate had one week of work left also so I had to solo parent that week, beyond stressful. 

We knew things were going to be tight at first cause Kate had to take a job (medical assistant) that pays like 40% less to get us up here and then continue her search for her “real” career (x ray tech) while living here in hopes that would help. We had discussed that I’d need a part time job 2-3 days a week and that my mom would watch the kids for us for free so it all seemed like it would balance out.

Man were we wrong!

We spent thousands of dollars getting us here because of all the moving costs, and that money was supposed to be for our debt and further family expansion. Now not only do we still have our debt but we are broke for three weeks without pay because she doesn’t get paid for three weeks! I’m tying to find a job that pays over minimum wage, but it has to have the availability I need to make it work with my moms schedule and it is not as easy as I thought it would be.

My mom is amazing and I love her and am so happy to be near her again. I also now have a bunch of friends to see on a regular basis, which is something I haven’t had for years! However, my mom is a bit flaky and it is concerning to Kate and I that she may not be as reliable as we had thought she would be with childcare. Only time will tell of course but it’s a major factor in our moving here.

So now we need to rely on loans from our parents to keep us  afloat until kate gets paid and then figure out how to stay afloat after that. We did our budget and we are in the negative by the end of the month, that’s no frills budgeting. So if I don’t land a job soon we could be in the shitter real fast! 

Then last night Kate checks out her new benefits plan and Infertility is nowhere to be found….FUCK! So I did some research and I can’t find any infertility coverage through Dignity Health (that’s who she is working for now) no matter how hard I look. CA does not require employers to have infertility coverage in their employee benefits packages. That’s new to me. Her last job had AMAZING coverage 100% to be exact (no IVF) and they had just changed their infertility coverage to cover same sex couples! 

Now I’m just feeling like a fool. How did we not think this out in more detail? How can we afford to live here without her having a better job? How can we have more kids…and we want more kids! I’m in shock and also feeling pretty down about it all. I usually do very well with change but I’m not doing so well now. All I can hope is that I find work soon and Kate finds a better job soon. I want her to be working for her old employer, Sutter, again. 
Thanks for reading my bitch post I needed to vent it all out.


33 thoughts on “I am so stressed out

  1. No advice here except, “we are exactly where we are supposed to be”. The struggles teach us something, and that’s dope too! Hope things sort themselves out, friend…sending love to you all!

  2. Moving/job change/young children = three of the most stressful things. I’d put them up there with losing a loved one. Even when they go smoothly they’re stressful, and when unexpected stuff pops up, it can be like seeing the world through a constant flood of cortisol. So yeah. In case you ever feel invalidated, everything you say makes sense.

    I don’t really have any advice, per say, but went through a similar situation (sans move) about 18 months ago when we found out my wife was pregnant. Her due date was the day after my job was scheduled to end. All I could do was keep coming back to the point that we were all here, and we have community to hold us up even if we struggle for some time. You’re here. Your kids are here. Your wife is here. And you’ve moved back to community. In the end, those things will make a difference.

  3. Eep! This sounds super stressful. Rainbowbug is right–any one of these would be enough to send the most level-headed of us into a tailspin. I say congrats for surviving the first three weeks and good on you for having a awareness on the situation, even if it feels untenable at the moment. That really is huge.

      • It’s plenty. So what I did for that amount was two fold to have options. I drive for uber and lyft which has its challenges at times. The other is joining Usborne Books. Minimal startup cost which is paid back within 1-2 parties, no sales minimums, no inventory, and lots of team support and training. Plus the books are great so you can build the library for your kiddos that they will love. Would you like to know more about either?

  4. “this too shall pass”…it’s what I remind myself every time I think we are in way over our head. Somehow things have a way of working out in the end. Definitely a stressful time it sounds like, that’s for sure. I remember when I went back to work FT, life was seriously insane. Twins in daycare, still nursing night/morning, teething, dad works 15+ hours/day and then if there’s a derailment…see in a few days hun! so yah…i get the stress of flying solo with twins too. Hang in there!

  5. Don’t beat yourself up – we’ve all done it. It always works out in the end but I do realize when you’re in the middle of it words like that make you want to scream!

  6. Mr. Big and I made a move across the country 3 years ago to be closer to my family. It was way more expensive than we thought and it took me a solid year to find work – at first I was terrified I’d made the wrong choice. It was awful and crazy stressful. But it DID get better…now I have a great job that pays even more than my pre-move job and we are happier than we’ve been. It just took time. I will cross everything that the same happens for you and I’m thinking of you!!

  7. Moving is SO expensive, and usually even more expensive than we calculate because of things we forget about. We had some serious budget issues when we moved, so I totally feel you. I have no advice, just lots of empathy and even more hope that you get out of the treading water phase, very very soon.

  8. No solutions, per se, but wishing you luck! Finding infertility coverage in employers’ health insurance is RARE these days. Hopefully in a few months you’ll have a little more stable income and can piece together the costs. I absolutely hate that we have to PAY for our babies…wish he could just do the old free hetero thing.

  9. Moving is crazy expensive. I can’t imagine doing it with 2 little ones! We moved cross country 3 years ago and are STILL paying off the debt from it. The first few weeks are the worst, but I have every confidence that you’ll get a job soon and Kate will find her career job. Good luck moms!

  10. Hey. Just catching up. That really is all so stressful! Keeping my fingers crossed for you guys! Hope Kate finds a job in her field soon and hopefully has better benefits and good luck on the job hunt to you too! I really admire you for taking this risk. It’s always so hard at first to make big changes like this. Hoping it all falls into place for you soon!

  11. I’m commenting a bit late, but it sounds like you’re feeling overextended by all the different kinds of stresses going on. Money has always been a big factor for us when considering more children, and recently we decided that we were not going to have any more because we’d always feel so strapped for cash if we had to raise more than these two boys. I know though that if we really wanted to, we could find a way to make it work though. It’s hard to just trust that things will work out, but they will. Take each challenge day by day, and one at a time, if you can. Will your parents be able to loan you guys more money to buy you more time to find a job? I feel like it’s hard enough just trying to settle into your new place with the babies!

    • Yes it’s a lot all at once. We have realized that we had an option for cash that we hadn’t thought about be fore so we feel a bit better now. It will be enough to relieve a lot of our monthly payments and possibly help to conceive another baby. But I still need a job. I’m going to try out selling kids books online through usborne books and see if I can make that work for us. I think things have already started to work out and I just need to breathe a bit more. Thanks for all your kind words!

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