If only I could properly update you all on this past year of our lives. I’m not even sure where I left off last. In a nutshell this past 17 months of the kids lives has been BEYOND the more difficult challenge of my life. It has also been the best and most enlightening challenge so far.
I’ve learned my limits and made some boundaries with everyone in my life including the kids. Everyday is a new day and no day is even close to the same. Night time, well that’s always about the same. Night time is my enemy for sure. When the world is dark and quite and your tired as a could be you are just not yourself anymore and neither are the kids. My beautiful and fun loving silly little monsters turn on me and become real monsters. They HATE sleep! Hate it.
We are trying to night wean…round 2. This time we are starting with just Emerie since she is the all night nurser and the one with the most lengthily wakings. She is in another room in her crib and Kate will tend to her cries and calm her so I don’t cave. It’s much harder said than done. Daiton is in our room in his crib and I will continue to nurse him as I see fit, for now. Once she is sleeping longer stretches we will start with him and put them back together.
Well I wrote all that a few months ago now and our lives have changed 10 fold. So I’ll fill you in below:
We ended up sleep training this kids instead of just night weaning. We went full on Cry It Out (CIO). Yet another thing I always said I’d never do. It was the best option we had for our situation. I couldn’t do it any other way. I had lost myself, I hated my kids most days, life was no longer enjoyable and my marriage was crumbling on many levels due to lack of sleep with all of us. So one night we just said “that’s enough” and dove right in.
We kept them in separate rooms for the first month with all their special stuffies in their cribs and a new nighttime routine that included a small discussion about what to expect at night. It goes something like this: “tonight you will sleep in your big girl and big boy cribs without mommies, no more milkies until the morning time and you have to sleep all night in your cribs. Mommas will come and get you in the morning when it’s time to wake up and then you can have milkies again. I love you Emerie Anne Rose (three kisses on the head) and I love you Daiton Paul Joseph (three kisses on the head), and then I sing “rock-a-bye baby” as I always have and nurse and rock them until they are sleepy but awake and then transfer them into their cribs and tuck them in. Before that they have dinner, baths, essential oils rubbed on and a few books read to them.
It worked like a charm and within 2 days Emerie was no longer crying herself to sleep or waking during the night. It took a week for Daiton to start doing the same, but then it was all over and they slept all night 6pm-5am or so each night. Kate and I slept downstairs on the couch and an air mattress until we moved.
And then there is that. Our move to Grass Valley from Santa Cruz. Again in a nutshell: It is what we’ve been wanting for years, but it came at a price. I need to get back to work part time and have to make up for what we are now lacking in income. Kate had to take a lower paying position to get us up here and although cost of living is cheaper on nearly every level we are now making less than before and financially in the shitter.
This move set us back with our debt big time so we have a lot to figure out very quickly. That being said we still feel like this was the right move for us. I have so much more family and friend support here. I will no longer go months without contact from family or friends. I could see someone I know almost daily and they are people I’ve known since childhood that are still near and dear to me. Best part is being so close to my mom, the kids’ Noni and all the love and help we are and will be getting from her. She will be watching the kids for me on the days she isn’t working herself so I can get a job and still have at least one free day to spend with Kate and the kids.
Our lives have been turned upside down in every way. It’s beyond an adjustment but I’m trying to look at it as a journey and an adventure to the future we want.
I have so much more to say but I cannot say it all here and I am still having a hard time putting my worlds together as I used to prechildren.
So message me for the password to my other post I’ll be writing today. You can email me at firstname.lastname@example.org or message me on Facebook.
I’ll make a post that I’ve posted it once it is finished. Thanks for reading!
All my love!!!