Fuck this sleep training crap

Please tell me some of you understand that statement. I’m overwhelmed by all the info out there on sleep training and the lack of twin sleep training info. 

The method we chose seemed to be working the first week and the babies were sleeping slightly better and Daiton was sleeping well in his crib. It’s been almost 3 weeks and now they are worse.

Bed time is great; they go down easy and it’s peaceful and nice for everyone. That’s were it stops. They wake 1-4x and hour for about two hours after that. Then nighttime is a shit storm of nursing, rocking, patting, fussing and crying. They all of a sudden get up and stay up multiple tims a night. THEY HAVE NEVER DONE THIS!

Nap time is crazy madness. They last al pay 2 hours some days between naps but naps have shortened to 25-35 minutes with very occasional hour or more naps. WHAT THE FREAKIN FRACK!!!!

I’m almost sick of reading everyone else’s stories of sleep training for two reasons 1) it’s always involving some form of CIO and 2) they seem to have some overnight success

I do not believe that the only way to get your babies to sleep well is to let them cry, that just makes no sense to me. Also even if we did go that route how would it work with two babies?! They would keep each other crying or set each other off, they sleep in the same room and here is no way for them not too.

What to do?

I’m almost ready to throw in he towel entirely and see what happens. Naps are my main issue right now and again no one seems to have any legit helpful advice for me because I have two and I’m by myself do their help doesn’t work because it’s tailored for one baby. 

I’m so tired, I’m so frustrated and I’m so over this.

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46 thoughts on “Fuck this sleep training crap

  1. Oh darling. I’m so sorry. I didn’t have to so take it with a grain of salt but: 1) If you think you can do it without CIO then okay, keep moving in that direction. I think it is possible and don’t give in because everything says you have to. That’s super discouraging. (Along those lines if you reach the point where you have to do it go easy on yourself.) 2) You are tackling a lot of issues at once. This is a process and anyone who says it can be done in two weeks is a liar. Pick one issue at a time? Sleep in crib? Okay. For that we started with naps in the crib and first stretch of the night in the crib. Then from there always back in the crib. Then it grew longer. 3) Your babies are trying to master a lot of things and are working on that. Sleep will get better and worse for a while. Our pediatrician told us as soon as Gus could walk he would sleep and low and behold about 2 weeks after starting walking he started sleeping better. 4) Anyone who talks about what a great sleeper their baby is does not have a breastfed baby. Breastfed babies do not sleep as well. I have no research other than every single mom I have talked to. 5) Gus napped in those short stupid naps until maybe around 6 or 7 months? And then it slowly got better and into two naps a day, then one. I just remember it was forever. I wish I had some good advice for you but I am just here to tell you it will get better, what you are experiencing now is normal, and you are doing a great job.

  2. I agree about milestones, etc. impacting sleep. When our Gus was working on something new, he’d be up all night long, and then it was like as soon as he mastered whatever it was, back to sleeping. I could never stand to let him CIO, but I also just said fuck it I need some sleep and let him sleep in our bed until he was almost two. It wasn’t ideal but it worked. I know that’s not helpful in your case, but I guess what I’m saying is it’s all temporary. The bigger and older they get, they will want and need more sleep.

  3. I’m SO sorry. I have no advice, but lots of love and support headed your way! We are on the ‘wait it out’ train, which I know is a privilege in some ways because he’s just one. I wish I had some magic wand for you!

  4. It can be a crazy shit storm that feels like it lasts for bloody ever and you’re taken to the brink of insanity, dip your toes in the crazy pool and then something changes. Maybe it lasts for a day, maybe a week. Whatever the case, things are always changing, like some have already said, with growth patterns, teething, developmental milestones, bugs and tummy issues, solids, full moon, change in wind direction…you get my drift. Naps I tackled before night sleeping. Some days I would walk and some days I still walk them in the stroller. I works for my guys but not everyone. I just cared that they get a freakin sleep in. How’s nursing going? Routine naps made night sleeping better for my one. Ms K – I’m convinced she’s just going to be in our bed until God only knows. If it means that I’m getting out of my bed less then sweet.
    Hang in there. It gets better…then worse…then better…then worse….I’m not sure what happens next, I haven’t gotten that far πŸ˜‰

    • I would get out and walk with them more if I lived on a less busy street. There’s no room for me and the cars, I try to go when I know there is less traffic, I can’t wait to find a new place with walking ease. Nursing is great I’ve had no real issues there. I’m more nervous for it to end. I donate night nursing though, I’d would love to end that ASAP but that is much much easier said than done. So far solids have not made a difference in their sleep patterns. I would be the happiest mommy ever if they would sleep three one hour naps during the day instead of 25min every hour and a half!!

  5. I am sorry and yes this fucking sucks. Our pediatrician said give E time to transition to every little change. Moving to a crib, getting him out of a swaddle, moving to his room. And then the teeth came. We are on the verge of sleep training, we are still working on his transition to his room. I feel for you. It’s all well and good for me to tell you this but you have two babies on two sperate timelines with two sperate personalities. Go easy on yourself.

  6. I fucking hate it when people ask if Wyatt sleeps through the night. Then I read some article that stated 5 hours straight should be considered through the night for his age and he does do that most nights. He has short naps too which is frustrating – especially since they are all on me or in a carrier. I agree with Pot and Lid make kid that breastfed babies don’t do well apart for the whole night. Wyatt sleeps like 4-5 hours then is usually up every 2-3 hours til he’s officially up for the day. For my sanity, I’d much rather roll over and give him boob over getting up. If you don’t want the twins sleeping with you, I’d suggest tackling one sleep issue at a time. Like focus on night time before naps. Which method are you using? I’ve been reading a few, but don’t know when I’ll try any out yet. I figure I’ll know when the time is right for us

    • Looking back I would have gotten them out of the bed sooner and in another room if possible. I think being very near plays a big role in their wakings at night. I think the only reason breasted babies may possibly wake more is because of breast/sleep associations not because of the milk itself. I’m working on cutting that habit and only nursing them when I really think their hungry and instead using a binky or rocking them more. We have been trying “the no cry sleep solution” books way, which is basically a DIY sleep training method. She gives you a million options to try and a rough guide as to how you should try it. It helped with bedtime routine and getting them TO sleep faster. However, they’re night sleep has not been helped and they’re naps have gotten worse. I’m looking into the book “the happy sleeper” two hound mommas and Reciprocallove have both had success with that method. In my option it’s a very gentle version of CIO, but most people don’t think it’s CIO at all. Nonetheless I’m starting to lose my mind with our current situation so I may give in and give it a shot soon. I’m just very sad that we can’t seem to get them sleeping better without any crying πŸ˜”

  7. I’m so frustrated. I’ve written long comments twice and they’re getting lost in cyberspace. Anyway I sent you pages on twins from the happy sleeper. I’m not usually one to jump on a band wagon but I do think that Gia crying for a few minutes is better than her crying all night every night in our arms or in our bed. I never felt like we abandoned her or made her “cry it out” it really felt like more of a comforting teaching process. Anyway I am so so sorry. I know how bad the frustration and fatigue feel. I hope the naps get better soon.

    • Thanks I got your texts but it’s late and I didn’t want to wake you texting you back. We got the book and will read it to see if we can implement it or not. The biggest issue we have is separating them for their naps and night time sleep at first cause we don’t have separate rooms for them or us right now. Makes me think we need to wait until we move…but that’s a few months away and I might have a breakdown if we wait longer lol

      • Hi! Gia is sick and I was actually up most of the night nursing her. She’s been bed sharing because her cough is so bad 😦 Anyway when I read the pages I was thinking about the separate rooms issue with your situation. You might be able to try it in the same room. Everyone said we couldn’t “sleep train” with Gia still in our room but we did and it worked. I’m going to text my friend who has twins and sleep trained and ask her I’ll get back to you. During pumping breaks at work! Yay.

  8. i can’t give you lots of advice as my twins LOVE sleep! Sorry I know that doesn’t help! What I can tell you though is a white noise machine helps my two ignore each other for the most part if somebody kicks off through the night. I have it on for all crib naps too.

    I hope you find your perfect schedule soon. I just can’t imagine those crazy short naps! My two tried to screw me over as they were nap transitioning from 3 to 2 naps. Could it be that with yours perhaps?

    • Who knows what it is at this point, it could be anything lol. Glad to hear yours are good sleepers, how old are they? Did you have to do anyone to “help”? We use a sound machine for all naps and nighttime sleep and even in the car. I’m still trying to find the best sound for them though.

      • Yeah isn’t that true … Something goes wrong and there are 1001 possible reasons why it could be! Grr! Science made these babies! They should be a bit more predictable 😁
        We use the Sound Sleeper app and have it on the listen mode with a long fade out. The slightest murmur and comes back on again.
        My two are approaching 10months now. We’ve been crazy unbelievably lucky from day one though! They slept between every feed at first and we were having to wake them up to feed! Then they went to three good 90-120min naps a day! Now they’re at two naps usually a 2hr in the morning (I often have to wake them at the 2.5hr mark!) and a 60-90min in the afternoon. Bedtime is between 6:30pm and 7pm and we usually hear them start waking at 06:30am! Sorry! Don’t hate me! We were breast and supplementing with formula from day one, as my supply was pathetic, and at 4months they went to formula exclusively as both of them were refusing the boob in favour of the bottle and pumping was producing very little!
        I honestly feel for you and I hope that some sort of miracle bolt of lightening mends all your fatigue! (SOON!)

      • Wow those are some good sleepers! Besides to nurse ours never woke up at night the first few months and when they were done eating they went back to sleep no issues. The issues we are having now are like newborn tendencies we never experienced!

  9. Sitting here just past 4am with an awake baby because my sleep training methods are going awesome. Lol. I want to punch someone every time they tell me their baby sleeps 12 hours and gets up at 8. I would, but I’m so tired it would be the saddest punch ever.

  10. I totally empathize with you. But I can tell you, it is possible without CIO and without overnight success. I refused CIO. My suggestions would be to start with night time. Typically, if you can get a good night routine, naps will follow. Second, we did not see the overnight success and I know the frustration when everyone says it takes two days. Our son would go down and sleep for a few hours before waking up 5+ times a night. We stopped picking him up and would lay next to him and rub his back or hold his hand. The first few night he whimpered for the entire second half of the night. And I just have to say I was in the same exact boat, we had tried EVERYTHING! I can explain more of if you are interested. Also, do you have a white noise machine? This might help drown out some of the noise if one of the babies is sleeping while the other is crying.

  11. I’m sorry. I sense your desperation. I just started trying the Happy Sleeper method today with Dumplin’s nap, and it took 12 sleep waves (ie. 12×5 minute sessions of crying it out) to get him to sleep for 40 minutes. Ugh. It was hard. I felt like I was hurting him, but I know that not training him also robs him of the opportunity to self-soothe. We are sleep training not because I want to (I would love to bedshare with him until he’s ready to go into his own room), but because Mochi is coming in less than 2 months, and I want to get Dumplin’ ready for possibly being babysat by gramma and Grampa when the time comes. I can’t even imagine how difficult it is to be doing it with two, and not having help. I don’t have help either, and I feel like I’m spread so thin…. Hang in there my friend. Sending you hugs.

  12. Sorry girl! It’s going to get better! I don’t know exactly when because our twins have some differences. My babies have gotten supplemented from day one so I don’t know about the breastfed babies v. formula babies. I honestly don’t think it matters about the type of intake they have, I think it’s all about the baby. I started moving my twins to their cribs around 5 months. It took a few weeks. My hubs and I decided to try CIO but honestly it broke our hearts so they would cry for about five minutes before we ended back up in their rock n plays next to our bed where they have always been. Then something just clicked with them, we consistently kept putting them in their cribs and they cried less and less and less to where now they don’t make a peep usually. They also sleep in the same room and RARELY wake each other up. We have a sound machine in their room and we turn it up on white noise as loud as it will go. That seemed to help too. They sleep for atleast 10 hours every night now. They just turned 9 months. We still have bad nights occasionally. AND nap time, the boy is a GREAT champion napper. The girl acts as if she is on drugs because she requires the smallest amount of sleep for nap time. Lol. I’m always here if you need a twin mom ear!!

    • Always need a twin mommas ear lol no one really gets it if they haven’t walked in your shoes, parenting in general has taught me that! I’m on the fence with modified CIO so we will try “the happy sleeper” approach seeing that so many people have used and loved it. But there’s a part of me that still wants to do this CIO free.

  13. Awww my sweet friend, I have zero info or advice but funny enough, I was ready the happy sleeper book that was reco’d to me and I thought of you the other night before I even saw this post. Not because I was thinking you should try the book, but because as I was reading it I thought: how the fuck would you do this with twins πŸ˜•πŸ˜£.

    I hope this period is a regression and both wee ones grow out of it so you can get some rest. If there’s any consolation provided by hearing this I also say feel free to buck the trend of sleep training and just take a step back if that’s what you need. Our generation (myself included) is always looking for a method, a plan a totally infallible ‘thing’ that works for everyone but really, we’re just putting a lot of pressure on ourselves.

    Hugs.

    • God you SO right! I was just saying to my wife Howe feel that our generation is always looking for something to control even if it’s a baby’s sleep. Not that sleep training is bad or shouldn’t be done just that I wonder if it’s truly necessary. We are reading The Happy Sleeper now and while it says it can be done with twins I’m wary. I’m on board one minute and the next I’m wondering if we should wait it out a bit longer. Ugh…parenting is one HUGE guessing game ever damn day. Get ready…I know your ready for it 😘

      • I just wanted to comment here that I was completely on the fence too about this. I was literally at a breaking point the day I ran out and got the book (you know the story) and even in the middle of doing it I considered quitting. In the end I did it because I have to get up for work at 5:30 every day and I wanted to just die (this isn’t me being dramatic I literally wanted to die) so I forced myself to stick with the plan. Anyway I think I depends on your specific needs. If you can’t be the mom you want to be then try it just for a week to see how it goes. If you can stick it out then keep doing what you’re doing and reevaluate in a month?

      • We bought the book and started reading. We ended up deciding to take a step back and let them go through their big milestones first to see how that changes them. Solids, rolling, crawling, trying to sit up and transferring to their cribs is a lot to add sleep training to. Once things settle down a bit we will reevaluate. Our one bedroom circumstance doesn’t help either for this particular sleep plan.

      • I read your post. Also my friend wrote me back about how she did it – they didn’t separate them because they also needed to share space and didn’t want them to get used to being alone. I totally support your decision. They are going through a lot right now.

      • I totally know what you mean! There’s a book for everything and an ‘expert’ approach and many times I’ve gotten great info from them but I also start to feel anxious because who knows if you found the right, most accurate ‘expert approach’ and you wonder if our generation knows too much and too little at the same time… There’s too much info out there to compare and contrast to….

  14. OK, so you may not want to hear it, but we did a modified CIO. I am a firm believer that if they are fed, and changed and no illnes has been recorded in the past 24 hours, they’ll cry because they KNOW that it works! So long as you are near them and reassuring them that you are there, it will work. And with twins, ours boys almost never woke each other up. They STILL don’t, even when we let Noah cry for 5-10 minutes at the top of his lungs, Levi sleeps right through it. I read somewhere that twins are like that. BUt if you have NO interest whatsoever of do any form of CIO (modified or not), you’re just going to have to let it run it’s course…they’ll sleep eventually. My niece is 16 months and started finally sleeping through the night. My sister isn’t a CIO person and she co slept the whole time. It just takes time.

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