Pregnancy woes and a bunch of swearing

I don’t want people thinking I’m ungrateful for being pregnant. Nor do I need criticism for being human and having human emotions. So if you can’t be empathetic when reading this post, don’t read it.

What I thought pregnancy would be like:

Beautiful

Pleasant

Life altering

Emotional

Pure happiness

Bonding with my wife

Less stressful than TTC

What pregnancy has been:

Eye opening/life altering

Only remotely less stressful than TTC

Moments of pure happiness

Beautiful

Emotional

Unpleasant

Stressful on my marriage & also good for my marriage

Totally uncomfortable

Now let me elaborate a bit

Even when I feel my worst I’ve never once thought “why in the hell did we do this” or “never mind, I want out”. I’m beyond blessed with a twin pregnancy and to be pregnant at all. 

That being said it is a million times more uncomfortable than I ever imagined. Yes, I’m pregnant with two so my body is working twice as hard, I fucking get that!  Yet I am so beyond sore, tired and emotionally stretched most days that I find it hard to function in normal day to day activities. That can be very depressing and belittling.

Speaking of depression. Why does no one talk about that part of pregnancy? It’s a mind fuck! One day I’m overjoyed and blissful and the next I feel totally depressed and stressed out. I battle depression and anxiety while not being pregnant, and while I’m not depressed per say now, I’m having a lot of depressive days. Imdont know where it comes from most days either.

Pregnancy has been an serious eye opener to life situations. Things you never thought of before become very in your face. Like where you can and cannot bring children or babies. Types of items you actually do need for babies and children. How much you dislike certain types of parenting styles, or just the opposite, how much you love certain parenting styles. Who really cares for you and wants to be a part of your life and your family. Supportive and unsupportive family members. I could go on and on.

Although I prefer the stress that comes with being pregnant to that of TTC, it is still a lot of stress. You get a small “honeymoon” phase of pregnancy where your just stoked not to be TTCing Andy more and then BAM! You have to reach each pregnancy milestone, plan accordingly for your future without getting ahead of yourself, listen to people’s opinions and “helpful advice” while gritting your teeth, have arguments and sometimes troubling conversations with your spouse about parenting and pregnancy you overlooked or didn’t know you weren’t on the same page about. Then try not to freak out about caring for a human being, or two in my case!

Everyday I wake up with a headache or migraine, I attempt to do different things to keep them at bay, and sometimes it works. My body feels like I’m 30 weeks pregnant most days; putting on socks and shoes hurts, bending over hurts, getting up is hard, getting out of bed with a Snoogle is almost comical, having to pee or poop  RIGHT FUCKING NOW because the babies are pressing up against my bladder or bowels is both scary and hurts, peering yourself even if just a bit is unnerving and not being able to hold in your farts is sad and embarrassing. 

My emotion state is starting to take a toll on me and my marriage/relationships. My temper is getting a bit shorter than normal. Peoples niaeve comments get to me and stay with me. Again people’s “helpful advice” or opinions make me frustrated, mad, sad and are at times hurtful. I’m going to snap wether by crying or screaming in the very near future. If you know me in daily life……you’ve been warned!

Things I’m sick of hearing:

“How are you doing?” In that because your pregnant I know need to pretend I care kind of way. 

When I reply “tired” or shrug cause I’m bad at faking my emotions. I hear “that’s cause your pregnant” oh why thank you for pointing that out for me what I kind response  “well you are having twins” I am?! OMG I thought I was just getting fat and there were snakes in my belly moving around! “get used to it” go fuck yourself and come up with something less insensitive and obvious to say “don’t complain be thankful” Just because I’m pregnant I’m now supposed to pretend like everything is rainbows and sunshine, my feeling no longer matter, and somehow because I’m tired I don’t appreciate being pregnant? Again go fuck yourself. “your the one who wanted to get pregnant” No shit Sherlock! I knew it wouldn’t be perfect either doesn’t mean I can’t have my bad days.

How about how everyone wants to tell you how terrible life is after kids. How any ideals you have abut parenting, parenthood or your future won’t happen or are unrealistic cause they have children and they know so. Just because you have children does not mean my family, my children, my parenting choices will be the same or have the same outcome as yours. Where’s the support people? 

Im always the first one to tell someone they were right or laugh at myself and what I thought something would be like. A little encouragement and support from friends and family would go a long way. In this respect being pregnant is very similar to TTC, everyone thinks they know the right way to do it.

Please stop negating everything I say! I’m starting to feel about as small as a ant these days with all the naysaying. Do I really need to cry for someone to realize what their saying or doing is not helpful?

I know I’m ranting like crazy, I know I sound like an overly sensitive bitch right now. In some ways I am. For the most part, I’m just being real and raw. I don’t sugarcoat things and I don’t think it’s healthy too. I actually do like being pregnant and could write a much longer post about that. But I’ll save that for a fluffier day. Today I’m telling you like it is. Like it or leave it.

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50 thoughts on “Pregnancy woes and a bunch of swearing

  1. Oh, so much of this is so so so familiar. So first of all, I’m in the camp that says you should be able to bitch about the hard/painful/exhausting things that are happening where you are now, no matter what has come before or after. TTC has huge highs and huge lows. Pregnancy has huge highs and huge lows. Caring for young children has huge highs and huge lows. Be true to how you are right now, and if you can, find people who get that and honor the feelings you’re having whenever you’re having them.
    Second, I’m going to tell you something that I wish someone had told me before my daughter was 8 weeks old: having kids is amazing and wonderful. There are hard parts, but watching them begin to engage with the world, the first time they smile at you, the first time they make eye contact, the first time they reach out for a toy, it’s like, the best drug in the whole world (in fact, I think it’s actually at least in part an oxytocin response). There is really no way to capture it until your little ones are in your arms, but no matter the challenges, you will meet them, and it will be better and bigger than anything you can imagine.

    • I second what she said in paragraph number two. That’s not a nicer way of saying “it will all be worth it” because you already know that. It’s the light at the end of the tunnel we can all use to keep slogging forward on the shitty days. Because it is true. Your little boy and girl will be everything and then some even if they are kicking your butt right now. 🙂

      • Parenthood, to me, is totally worth any amount of the hard parts. I could write a book on all the different reasons why I feel that parenthood is so great and rewarding, but honestly I cannot think of any reasons how it could be considered terrible. Just because something is challenging doesn’t make it terrible.

        I’m sorry people have been saying the wrong things to you. People can suck. Sure, you’re going to struggle with some moments, what new parent doesn’t?! You’re also going to learn a hell of a lot about how strong you are, and about what you and your amazing body are capable of. You’re going to discover how amazing, intense and unique the love of and for your children is.

        I was only ever pregnant with a singleton so I won’t pretend to know how you’re feeling physically, but your body is a powerhouse to be nourishing and growing two whole little beings in there! I’m totally in awe. Way to go mama! Keep up the good work!

  2. I worry too, about how pregnancy is going to affect my depression/anxiety issues. I’m sorry you’re having such a hard time. I know you’re doing your best, and I wish you could get some relief from the discomfort. People can sometimes be idiots when they speak mindlessly. Hang in there hun. Life with your babies will be awesome, no matter what they say.

  3. Hehe oh sweetie! All of your feelings are completely valid. Your hormones are intensely mood altering, and make you feel awful. Often. But also make you feel soooo amazing! As for the unwanted (and often totally not helpful) advice, one thing I wish I thought of when I was pregnant with DD is to answer “NO” when anyone asks if it’s my first pregnancy/baby. Usually they won’t offer advice if they know you’ve been through it before. Hang in there!!

  4. OMG. As I read this… i’m shaking my head in complete agreement. The discomfort, the nightly and morning wrestling with the Snoogle, the UNSOLICITED ADVICE, the difficulty in breathing…. i’m just shaking my head thinking “PREECH SISTER!!”. Haha. I completely feel you and agreed – I feel so blessed to even be pregnant. But I get it. Hang in there. And know you are not alone and you will be an AMAZING mother!!! There is no doubt in my mind at all!!

  5. I hear you. Women who say they loved being pregnant and felt the best they ever have are delusional, liars or suffering from reconstructive memory. Pregnancy is hard and for anyone with a history of pregnancy or infant loss and of health issues that jeopardize placental or fetal development it is an endless terrifying ride. Some days one just cannot make chicken salad from the chicken shit that is being pregnant.

  6. I fucking hated when people told me life was going to “end” – my life is different, yes – but in amazing ways. Pregnancy is rough & you feel guilty for being a “poor sport” after trying so hard but god damn it takes a toll on your body. My words of encouragement: when it’s over you WILL miss it & having children will change your life in so many great and amazing ways you won’t care about the sacrifices.

  7. The comments only get worse the further along and bigger you get. I’m measuring six weeks ahead and looking nearly full term because I’m so petite and I cringe every time a rando wants to make an observation or give me “advice.” Being a twin mom makes you a bit of a novelty and people just LOVE to talk at you about it. Hang in there, come up with some witty comebacks and laugh at their responses. (“Are they natural?” Nope, aliens. “Do twins run in your family?” They do now! “Are they identical?” Nope, one has a penis!)
    As for the discomfort, I feel ya. I feel guilty complaining after all we went through to get pregnant in the first place so I really only vent about the suck to my best friend and husband. Pregnancy is far from rainbows and sunshine and I believe twin pregnancy is even less so. Be kind to yourself and cut yourself some slack when your frustration level is high. I always try to remind myself that this is only temporary and there is an end in sight, a glorious end where I get to bring home two beautiful babies that we’ve worked so hard to make. Hugs to you!

  8. I’m sorry you’re struggling! I think it’s 100% legit to be real about the struggles of pregnancy – even when you desperately wanted to be there! And the bs about parenting – gah! I kinds wish everyone would just STFU! I’m sending you big love and hope you get some relief from the physical stuff soon!

  9. Thank you for sharing. For a lot of women in the ttc world, the expectation is that you should be so grateful for even being pregnant that you have nothing to complain about. The truth is though, pregnancy for strugglers is even harder because it doesn’t always live up to the expectation. I have said a few times that I don’t know if I’m ready for this, and I truly don’t. Life is going to change in a big way.

  10. I wish I could say that the “thank you captain obvious!” moments go away but unfortunately people will say even more dumb things when they arrive! Like: “oh you’ve got your hands full! And are they twins? Do they run in your family? Are they natural?” I hope your day gets better!!! I feel ya momma!

  11. First off, I’m sending you a huge hug. Pregnancy is hard, and you have a ton of symptoms plus everything that comes with carrying twins. It’s not supposed to be easy and people should keep their comments to themselves. I always think I have to love everything and not say anything bad about being pregnant because we worked so hard, this is what we wanted, etc, but you’re allowed to have a tough pregnancy no matter how much you want it! You want to have a baby, that doesn’t mean the 9-month discomfort is easy. You’re doing the best you can to be an amazing temporary home to those babies and that’s a really hard job! Xoxo

  12. I just want to hug you!!! I hate the unsolicited advice I’m a stepmom and still TTCing but the unwanted advice is everywhere I turn honestly as long as I’m not harming myself or my kiddos leave me a lone! you’re the mom you will make the decisions the YOU believe is best and thats all you gotta worry about is what YOU and your partner decide! You got this and I don’t know a single person that can go 9 months without a single bad day… 🙂

  13. You said it sister!! Good news – you are a normal pregnant woman!! I hope thing ease up for you symptom-wise!! Keep those babies happy!!

  14. Callie was the most miserable after 26 weeks, and honestly, what annoyed me the most (especially having twins) was when people would say, “Twins?!!! Good luck!!!” Seriously?! 1st of all, who needs luck when you have two bad ass moms!! 2nd, you couldn’t be a little more supportive than that? I have never been pregnant (yet) but i can only imagine the stress and the pain that your body is experiencing. You poor thing…i feel for you becuase I know first hand how crazy it is to be carrying twins. I hope it gets better, but then again of course it will! You have two babies waiting to be on this side of the world! Hang in there hun…it’l be over before you know it, and like Callie, you’ll be wishing to get pregnant again ASAP!

  15. I’ve found my anxiety has heightened this pregnancy and it’s harder for me to shake it. Some days are bad, others I’m fine. My stupidity tolerance is at a zero though and I definitely don’t appreciate any innocent feedback either. I second the first comment who said you should have a right to complain no matter where you came from. Twins pregnancy is difficult. I don’t doubt for one second that you are uber uncomfortable. You are growing two babies. That’s a miracle and it deserves an opportunity to express your frustration without the peanut gallery always chirping in.

  16. Preach, girl. The struggle is real.

    No one ever quite prepares you for how much pregnancy sucks. Even people who have been there before seem to forget.

    If one more person tells me, when I complain of not sleeping well and being tired, that my body is just preparing me to be a parent, I will not be responsible for my actions.

  17. Gar. That’s all I have to say about all this. I hate people who say dumb shit and being pregnant made dumb shit talking people flock to me. Gar…
    Not sure if you have any prenatal yoga in your parts, but going to prenatal yoga was so incredible for me. There were some much too happy preggos there, but mostly I got total camaraderie from other preggos and the teacher. And it really was uplifting when I was in the dumps emotionally.
    And yes, this is all super hard on the relationship. Don’t even get me started on the difficulties of the first year after the birth and my relationship. That’s another very very veryfuckinhard time; I really try to think of my marriage as the stock market. There are times it’s gonna crash and be in the red. But I’m not pulling my money out. It’s going to come back. And it did for me.

  18. Sounds to be that like your hormones are getting the best of you. I went through some crazy stages and lost my emotions a few times. I hope you plan on breastfeeding, it truly helped me with postpartum depression and keeping my emotions in check while ensuring the best bond possible with my little one. I wasn’t able to nurse withy first, I was strictly pumping and it was completely different. I am nursing now and I find it essential to regroup and lay quietly with the baby while my emotions balance out. I want to warn you of the postpartum part of this, no one told me how serious it would be when my emotions bounced back to normal. I was a hot mess & didn’t even know it. I’m sorry you don’t have the proper words, and supporting conversations with people around you. Just try and focus on you and that baby. Ignore the world, and things you don’t want to hear. It’s a lot of work, emotionally and physically to carry that baby inside you. You deserve peace and quiet:) It gets better. There’s soooo much about pregnancy, and the first year no one tells you about. Just prepare yourself for postpartum and be aware of your emotions. I would also suggest sitting down with some of the people closest to you and voicing how you feel. Communication is truly key. Best wishes 🙂

  19. You know what – you are not alone. Pregnancy sucks. I hated being pregnant. I’m not going to give you negative stories about pregnancy. Just let you know that you aren’t alone. You can complain. You can be miserable. You can rant. You can be selfish. No matter what other people think, it doesn’t matter. Their feelings don’t matter. Not when it’s your body and your emotions. I know, as I knew when I hated every moment of my pregnancy, that I would love my little girl with all my heart. It didn’t mean I hated pregnancy any less. It’s okay to feel how you feel. And you are not alone.

  20. Hugs to you! They unsolicited advice people give sometimes is out of control. Especially when they hear it is twins. Corrie has started just talking back to people. She figures if people feel free to give their opinion then she is giving hers right back to them. Baislcally don’t cross a pregnant momma, you never know what you might get 🙂

  21. Love it! You just keep swearing out loud and telling those who deserve it (and sometimes those who don’t) to go fuck themselves. You are currently a human making machine on over time, make the most of being able to blame inappropriate outbursts on hormones.

    Also – this annoys the hell out of me whenever I see it on any of my prego friends facebooks or anything – “You don’t know what tired is!” or “Get used to it it’s only going to get worse!”
    STOP BEING SO INSENSITIVE!
    How about “That sounds really shit, here, have this cake.”
    I’m seriously going to have to go underground once I have a bab on board. I’m not good at coping with idiots at the best of times.

  22. This post is so spot on, hun. Everything is spot on. Im sorry people have been making you feel shit. You feel however you want to feel and express it!

    Every time I complained or moaned I felt so guilty in the TTC world, not to mention weak and I felt I should put up with a lot more because I knew what I was getting in to but at the same time, pregnancy IS BLOODY HARD and I quickly realised I shouldn’t have to shut up about it. It’s the stuff they don’t tell you, right?

    Just because we chose this and had a rougher ride to get there shouldn’t mean we have to put a smile on our face and accept our fate.

  23. This post is so spot on, hun, not to mention the comments. Im sorry other people have been making you feel shit. You feel however you want to feel and express it! Anyone who says that the WHOLE journey was the best is lying or very forgetful. Don’t get me wrong, I had more good days than bad, and I’ll probably do it all again one day but when I had a bad day it was tough so I’m not going to put that to one side.

    Every time I complained or moaned I felt so so guilty, not to mention weak, and I felt I should put up with a lot more because I knew what I was getting in to but at the same time, pregnancy IS BLOODY HARD and I quickly realised I shouldn’t have to shut up about it. It’s the stuff they don’t tell you that hits you hard, right?

    Just because we chose this and had a rough ride to get there shouldn’t mean we have to put a smile on our face and accept our fate.

    I really hope it gets better. As you can already see you have tons of people here to listen, we’re always here. I don’t know if my reply made much sense but I wanted to contribute/help some way. X

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